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Spectromagicuk
Away with the fairies
Written by Stuart Adam Gardner
Away with the Fairies is a lively panto bursting with magic, surprises and plenty of audience participation. When Noddy and Tessie stumble into a mysterious toy shop, they have no idea they’re about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime — one filled with laughter, chaos and unexpected wonder. After accidentally breaking a magical toy, they are whisked away by three loveable Dames to the land of the fairies, where they meet imps, pixies and mischievous hobgoblins. When the hobgoblins seize the chance to cause havoc in the human world, it becomes a race against time to find the missing pieces and seal the rift between worlds. Packed with jokes, heart and high-energy fun, this original panto is a joyful tale of friendship, misunderstandings and redemption — leaving audiences and casts alike glad they went Away with the Fairies.
Running Time - 1 Hours 50mins
Principal Cast Size - 24
Cast
Wanda Licious - Dame / Fairy Godmother
Maggie Moonbeam - Dame / Fairy Gomother
Felicity Fungus - Dame / Fairy Godmother
Hamley Cottingley - Toy shop owner (human)
Noddy - child (human)
Tessie - child (human)
Fairy Dust - Red Fairy (deaf, mishears things)
Fairy Tale - Orange Fairy (a tiger fairy)
Fairy Lights - Yellow Fairy (wrapped in lights)
Fairy Liquid - Green Fairy
The Blue Faery - Blue Fairy (very stuck up)
Lary Fairy - Purple Fairy (angry!)
Fairy Cakes - Brown Fairy
King Oberon - King of the Fairies
Fizz - Sprite, King’s assistant
Bimble - Nymph, King’s assistant (emphasises the wrong syllables in words)
Deborah Horn - Leprechaun, King’s assistant
Puck - Hobgoblin villain
Buck - Hobgoblin villain
Ossible - Imp
Lott - Pixie
Pesky - Piskie
Alfaba - Narrator (Fairy)
Linda - Narrator (Fairy
Script Sample
WANDA LICIOUS: Did you see what she did to me, did you see that!?!
FELICITY FUNGUS: Calm down dear. Ignore her. She’s just upset as she has a banana wedged down her trousers.
WANDA LICIOUS: The rudeness! The audacity! The GUMPTION!!!
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: Shush your mouth Wanda, we have company. This mysterious, magical toy shop has an audience sitting in it staring at us!
FELICITY FUNGUS: Ooooo! Hello down there! I do love people looking up to me!
WANDA LICIOUS: Oh don’t start on that again. You’ll be saying how many followers you have on social media next. What was it? Like five or something?
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: Well, not quite but I’m really hoping that my MySpace and Vine are going to take off any moment now!
FELICITY FUNGUS: [To audience] You should see her profile image on Spinstergram. She uses more filters than the London Aquarium.
HAMLEY: [Interrupting] Spinstergram? Is that the dating app for unmarried Dames?
WANDA LICIOUS: Well, well, well. Who are you exactly?
HAMLEY: I’m Hamley Cottingley. I own this mysterious, magical toy shop here. And these two are some random children who rocked up to fiddle with my wares.
[NODDY and TESSIE are playing with a toy to the side of the stage]
TESSIE: These toys are great mister!
FELICITY FUNGUS: Magical, mysterious toy shop you say? Are we short of words or something so you’re using lots of adjectives to bulk out the script?
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: Don’t be silly Felicity, the amazing, fantastic, fabulous, brilliant, amazing script writer would never stoop so low as to just pad out the script with unnecessary, superfluous adjectives.
WANDA LICIOUS: That’s true Maggie. Now, tell me small, annoying, irritating, lovely children. What are you doing here in this mysterious, magical, great, super, mysterious, magical toy shop of mysterious, magical, mysterious toys?
NODDY: Well, creepy, awkward, scary Dame, we just wanted to come in and find a toy to play with.
TESSIE: We saw this toy shop on the way to another famous local landmark and thought we’d pop in.
HAMLEY: Have we already run out of famous local landmarks to mention by name?
TESSIE: Not quite but this is a long panto so we need to save the fish and chip shop for later.
HAMLEY: Anyway, may I ask you ladies what your names are?
WANDA LICIOUS: Well, I’m surprised you have to ask, with me being so famous an’ all, but my name is Wanda. Wanda Licious!
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: And my name is Moonbeam. Miss Maggie Moonbeam. I’m single and ready to mingle.
FELICITY FUNGUS: And I’m Felicity. Felicity Fungus!
NODDY & TESSIE: Fungus!?! Eugh!
FELICITY FUNGUS: Er, I’ll have you know that fungus - and fungi in general - are vital to the biodiversity of this planet.
WANDA LICIOUS: Felicity grows fungi all over her house actually. In fact… she doesn’t have mush-room for anything else!!! [Breaks into hysterical laughter]
[NODDY suddenly realises the toy he’s holding is broken]
NODDY: Oh no! It’s broken! I’m so sorry, mister - the toy is broken!
WANDA LICIOUS: [Immediately stopping her laughter] What did he say?
NODDY: The toy! The toy is broken!
FELICITY FUNGUS: Broken!? He broke the toy?
TESSIE: Well where are the pieces? We can put it back together?
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: The toy is broken!?! But… that means…
HAMLEY: Calm down madam, don’t worry. Sometimes toys break, it’s not a problem. As long as he pays for it, I mean.
MAGGIE MOONBEAM: You don’t understand! YOU DON’T GET IT MAN!!!
FELICITY FUNGUS: The toy is BROKEN!!!
HAMLEY: Yes… and?
WANDA LICIOUS: This means… the rift. It’s OPEN!!!