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Hansel & Gretel
Written by Adam G Smith
Step into the enchanting world of Hansel & Gretel, a modern reimagining of the classic fairy tale. Packed with daring adventures, hilarious comedy, and a rich variety of characters, this pantomime offers something for every performer to sink their teeth into. The story unfolds as the mischievous twins, Hansel and Gretel, are lured into the dark forest by the wicked Witch Madam Hogweed and her cunning cat, Salazar. When their disappearance comes to light, their determined mother, Mrs. Dusterbrump, rallies an unlikely rescue team: her lovable lodger Silly Billy, the bumbling Sheriff Hard-Up, and the warm-hearted schoolteacher, Lena.
On their journey, they encounter the flamboyant Prince Fabulous and his hapless sidekick, Fritz. With a little help from the enchanting Fairy Foxglove, they uncover a sinister truth: the twins haven’t simply wandered off—they’ve been taken! This pantomime offers a unique twist for those seeking something beyond the traditional tales. With its lively humour, heart-warming moments, and a sprinkle of magic, Hansel & Gretel promises to deliver a sweet treat your audience will love!
Running Time - 1 Hour 40 Mins
Cast Size 12
Cast
Hansel – A mischievous young boy.
Gretel – A clever young girl who often gets led astray by Hansel.
Mrs Dusterbrump – Flamboyant Dame Character and mother of Hansel & Gretel.
Silly Billy – Comedy Role, helps at Mrs Dusterbrump’s Launderette.
Lena – Young school teacher of the Village, falls in love with Prince Fabulous.
Prince Fabulous – An exceedingly narcissistic Prince who despite this flaw, has a kind heart.
Frtiz – The Prince’s loyal stooge.
Fairy Foxglove – A magical Fairy who looks out for Hansel & Gretel.
Madam Hogweed – An evil & cunning witch who wants to eat as many children as possible.
Salazar – A Black Cat and Madam Hogweed’s right hand man (well, cat) .
Sherriff Hardup – Local lawman who has taken a fancy to Mrs Dusterbrump.
Mr Piftzr/ Tim Cauldron - Ensemble Characters.
Script
Sample
Madam H: Haha well that is where you are wrong boy, I can. Salazar bring me the book!
Salazar goes over the bookshelf and retrieves a book.
Madam H: Salazar what’s this? The Prince Harry autobiography! Urgh not that! Anything but that soppy fool! Yuck! I meant my Spell Book you furry fool!
Salazar: Oh sorry! Here! [Gives Madam Hogweed the Spell Book]
Madam H: Now let me see, I need something like mind control or something cunning and dark..Aaah what about if I turn you into a toad! …No too cliche…..I know here ‘The constant annoying song spell’ ha-ha perfect! This will play the most annoying song in the world repeatedly until you finish eating that cake ha-ha. [Clears her throat] ‘Phillius tillious shillyes pong! Bring forth and play the most annoying song!’
‘Baby Shark’ Song starts to play.
Salazar: Ahhhh, no make it stop!
Madam H: Oh no it is rather annoying, isn’t it?
Hansel: Haha this is my favourite song [starts dancing]
Madam H: What! He likes it? This isn’t any good! STOP!!!
‘Baby Shark’ stops playing.
Madam H: Oh, thank god for that, now there must be something else. Let me dig a little deeper ha-ha. Hmmm what is this? ‘The Sleeping Death’ Hmmmm I have never heard of the sleeping death before.
Salazar: You’ve clearly never watched cricket then.
Madam H: Hmmm, ah here we are! Perfect!
Salazar: What is it oh great wickedness?
Madam H: The Tickle Curse Ha-ha (Clears throat) Put this boy in a serious pickle, send him the curse of continuous tickle!
Hansel: [Starts rolling around and laughing] No… Hahaha…This is fine….hahha. I can take it…..hahaha. this is nothing….hahaha.
Madam H: [putting her hands over her ears] Ugh what a horrible noise!
Salazar: It doesn’t seem to be bothering him.
Madam H: Oh fiddlesticks! And laughter is my main weakness, this was a bad idea. Ok enough of this STOP!
Hansel stops laughing and gets back up of the floor.
Salazar: What now Madam Hogweed?
Madam H: Hmmm maybe I am going about this the wrong way… Maybe he needs leverage.
Salazar: Ah leave that to me!
Salazar exits and returns with a pint.
Madam H: Salazar what on earth are you doing?
Salazar: You said he needs a beverage.
Madam H: I said leverage, not a beverage…Leverage.
Salazar: What should I do with this?
Madam H: Oh here!
Madam Hogweed grabs the beer from Salazar and downs it
Gretel: Blimey
Hansel: She may be an evil psychopathic witch, but you must admit that was rather impressive
Salazar: [staring at the empty glass] Aw…My pint!
Madam H: Now then..
She gets out a knife and grabs Gretel.
Hansel: Hey, let her go!
Madam H: I will boy, right after you start to eat that cake.
Hansel: Ok Ok, I will eat it, just let her go [starts eating the cake]
Madam H: Ha good boy, keep going, I want to see a clean plate. Salazar! here! [pushes Gretel to him] Take the girl and lock her up in the basement, we don’t want her to try and hatch another escape plan again.
Salazar: Yes, Madam Hogweed! Come on you.
Gretel: Achoo! [Sneezes in Salazar’s face]
Salazar: Eww that’s gross. Are you allergic to cats?
Gretel: No just allergic to idiots!
Salazar: Right, that’s it, no dinner scraps for you tonight! Come on, down to the basement!